Today I'm very excited to be the interviewer and the writer on this little skit.
Interviewer: Good Afternoon. Today I’m interviewing a writer. And I’ve decided to do something different. Instead of asking about the books and the writing secrets, I’m going to get personal. I already know that this writer is not married, so my first question will be, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
Writer: I do! I have two of them.
Interviewer: Two? How do you manage that?
Writer: Well, it’s not that hard really. You see, one of them is sort of a special occasion beau that I don’t see too often. And the other is sort of an every-day type.
Interviewer: I see. So which one are you most partial to?
Writer: Oh, I love them both. (laughs and jangles the beads around her neck)
Interviewer: Yeah, but doesn’t it get complicated sometimes?
Writer: Not often. Herme, that’s my every-day beau, isn’t too interested in celebrating special occasions. So the field is open for Harve to drop by.
Interviewer: Very interesting and very convenient too.
Writer: Absolutely! And on the odd occasion where they’ve both ended up being in the same place, they do get along. Harve brags a lot though. Thinks he’s better than Herme.
Interviewer: Why does he think that?
Writer: Well, it’s probably because he is. (laughs again and flings back a strand of hair from forehead) I mean, Harve is kinda suave and he dresses better than Herme. Don’t get me wrong,
Herme is no slob. He’s just kinda more ordinary. You dig?
Interviewer: I guess. So which one is the best looking?
Writer: (contemplates this and looks thoughtful before responding) I’d say that they are both good looking. It’s just that Harve has that special quality about him. That’s why he’s great for special occasions.
Interviewer: When you say, special occasions, what exactly do you mean by that?
Writer: Well, what do you think? He drops by at Christmas and my birthday, and sometimes on other occasions. He’s been around on Valentine’s Day also. I always like to celebrate with Harve.
Interviewer: So it seems like he’s really your special guy.
Writer: Oh no. I love Herme too. Herme’s so sweet. Well, Harve is too, but in a different way, you know? They both make me feel so warm and relaxed and comfortable.
Interviewer: I’d say you are one lucky writer.
Writer: (laughs) I’m very lucky. But you know what?
Interviewer: What? (thinking writer is going to expose some deep, dark secret)
Writer: When I’m deep into writing … I don’t want either of them around. I really can’t have anything that will break my concentration. I want to have a clear head when I’m writing, I need to, you understand?
Interviewer: I think so.
Writer: (smiles and waits for the next question)
Interviewer: Thank you so much for your time and it’s been great.
Writer: Oh, you are so welcome. I have to go now. Herme is waiting. I really need him after this interview. I get so worked up when I’m having an interview and I need to wrap my arms around Herme for some comfort. I can’t wait to put my lips on him and drink in his wonderfulness.
Interviewer: (blushing) Yes. Well, it’s been great as I said, and I won’t keep you away from Herme any longer. I know you’re dying to see him.
Writer: Dying to taste him is more like it. (laughs) Oh, I know that’s too much information.
Interviewer: (clears throat) Well, this has been enlightening. One last question. Can you tell me what are the last names of your two beaus?
Writer: Of course! There’s Harvey Bristol Cream, and Hermit Port Wine. Oh, I do love those boys all of the time. Just thinking about them makes my little heart quiver.
Interviewer: This has been an interview with a writer. Tune in next week for an interview with a vampire.